Fetch My Human!

Life and times of a middle-aged, bachelor, dragon.
No need to worry about me being outdoors Human, I’m quite capable of taking care of myself. Oh, and Human, this won’t leave any ridiculous tan lines will it?

No need to worry about me being outdoors Human, I’m quite capable of taking care of myself. Oh, and Human, this won’t leave any ridiculous tan lines will it?

unicornwrestler asked: Where did you get Toothless from the Toothless and Lizard (always forget his name sorry sweets) post?

Dearest Chap-et!

Our fledgling dragon was acquired in the juvenile trinket section at the local Target boutique. I hope this aids you in the acquisition of your own.

Yours truly,

You planned a surprise vacation for me? Oh Human… You shouldn’t have!

You planned a surprise vacation for me? Oh Human… You shouldn’t have!

Some Assistance required

Dearest Humans, I find myself in precarious circumstances as of late.
To my utter astonishment, I’ve been confined under house arrest and unwittingly quarantined!

It started a few days ago, on a rather uneventful, uncharacteristically special Wednesday. I was allowed by my dear Human, to bask on my windowsill, in the ever present sunshine. Being about midday at the time, and the sun bearing down in all its glory, I couldn’t help but think of the meals to come for the day. Human, in all their excitement had plucked the seasons first green bean. How I dared to have a taste. How I salivated at its potential crunchiness. Being the first to eat the fruits of the season, was all I could hope for, and was certainly due! Human, suspecting my desires, had allowed me to partake in such a feast. 

It wasn’t too terribly long after, I began to yearn for additional beans. Being quite lost in thought, over the perspective abundance of jade produce provided for an unsightly amount of slaver. It was to my inauspicious luck, that Human caught me in such a state of disarray. How deeply I had shamed myself. In a panic, I quickly attempted to clear the mess, which resulted in a horribly strained intake of breath, followed by a short wheeze. 

Human, with a rather “quick to worry” nature, had it in their head, that I was clearly suffering from a respiratory ailment. What with the bearing down of the hot sun, the gaping from the heat, the ever present slaver. There was no way for me to explain the situation, with my recent slip-up of inhalation, I had damned myself beyond salvation.

Which leaves me in the current predicament. Placed in a glass box of confinement. Previously used in my containment as a young dragon, I had not seen the likes of its walls for some three summers now. How I regretted my decision to appear sickly, how earnestly I pleaded with Human for my release. How often I contemplated and yearned for the time and space outside of my confinement. I conclude my dragonly charm must be waning, as Human appeared to be in an internal struggle, but yet not too terribly moved about my current plight enough to release me.

Despite my perceived malady, Human felt the need to be ever vigilant in attending my needs. Still awarded a toasty bath each morning, a great feast of morsels, and an ever toasty, personalized, hot-rock and sun, indisposition seemed to be almost better than fitting health.

In light of recent events, I’ve learned to control my undragonly, slavering, habits, for the sake of Human’s nerves, and a reduction of my time in confinement through the improvement of my charm. As the days go by, Human is more and more convinced of my being “on the mend,” and more importantly, allowing me considerably more free-roaming, freedom.

Recent events have made, ever present, the need to improve my improvement as a dragon. Reversion to basic natures have resulted in my containment, and have reduced me to frustrated beast without sway and charm. I promise you I shall improve, in feigned health, and in gentleman nature. For so long as I have a human, I cannot fool anyone in my laziness.

Until I can convince Human otherwise, some assistance may be required. I do have territory inspections after all! Chop-chop Humans! There’s improvements to be made!

Yours truly, 

So Human approves of you. We shall call this beginners luck. Neophyte as you may be, you’ve much to learn in the art of becoming a dragon. I’ll show you how!

So Human approves of you. We shall call this beginners luck. Neophyte as you may be, you’ve much to learn in the art of becoming a dragon. I’ll show you how!

The Fog has been lifted

Dearest Human companions,
If I have never expressed my fondnessfor my human and the sun before, I must surely take the opportunity to remedy it post haste!

In the passing weeks since my last emergence, I have been plagued with a rather sombre mood (no doubt brought on by the perpetual dreariness which kept me from the outdoors). With no end in sight of the falling snow, I was beginning to lose hope that any other season would present itself. Thus, I began to prepare for another round of hibernation. As I desperately jumped at any occasion to entertain myself, and prolong the lethargic hibernation preparations, I knew I was running out of options. My slow gait, and downcast appearance were not well hidden from Human. Despite our attempts to entertain each other, we both knew there was little to be done at that point but retire to sleep.

Upon waking the next morning, I found myself in a box, of some sorts. I can only assume it was a box as it had five sides, and contained objects, myself not included. This box was, well…It barely contained my person! Without a good half of myself overhanging one edge or the other,”surely,” I thought, “this must be a dream! Albeit a strange one.” 
As I soon came to realize this must be some mistake, Human had picked up the box, myself included, and whisked me off to the motor chariot. Wherein, I was harnessed and left dumbfounded as to what should occur next. Confounded Human!!!!!

It was well into an hour that Human divulged with me, that we were to be visiting the territories for the next few days. In a manner that which would entertain us both, and hopefully, give us both a manner of positivity concerning the weather. While I must admit Human had swept me off my feet in quite the whirlwind of a surprise, the least they could have done was apply a little foresight into acquiring seating arrangements in which I was seated entirely!

I much as I protested, I was eventually allowed the ability walk freely about the cabin. Upon deciding that the best view to be had was back within the box, I realized the proceeding search was the most purpose I’d had in weeks. Human was surely on to something!

Before long, the southernly route in which we traveled had reminded me of our destination. I remembered that place. I remembered the unbridled freedom, warmth and sunshine it entailed. “Oh Human,” I thought, “you shouldn’t have!” I could hardly conceal my excitement. I was constantly rushing from side to side of the chariot in hopes for the better view. The view which rapidly told me, that yes, we hastily approached our destination!

How I ran through the territories. How I basked in the sunlight. 
How I well I supped on the lushest fruits of the earth. The morsels I had eaten somehow, held more flavor than they did before. 

Daily I embarked on a stroll with my Human and companions around the territories. Humans I had never had the pleasure of meeting before, gaped before my paraded presence. Human beckoned them as they wished to behold my stunning visage. I could not have felt more proud. More alive!

Within the course of a rapidly fleeting weekend, without any reappearance of the dreaded, dreary, white precipitation, I could confidently say, “Yes, Spring is finally here!”

Relaxed, rejuvenated, well basked, well fed, and with the most positive of outlooks, I felt so revived! This doubly accepted vacation, and good weather gave me a revived sense of vigor. Ready to take on the winter, if it chose to stay all year! I, however, made no attempts to mention this to human, should it result in a hasty return trip. Eventually Human and I just knew, it was time to return.

While the trip home had not been as welcomed as the trip to the territories, due to the general motion of the chariot being very disagreeable with my digestion, Human and I had returned safely. And with to our good fortune, the splendid, sunlit, weather with us!

While the dreaded white precipitation made it’s attempt to reclaim it’s season, it’s attempts were in held in vain within a couple hours. The depressing fog of Winter had finally been lifted! 

As a result of our trip, Human and I have vowed to embrace the glorious weather as much as we both are able. Not eager to embrace the reclusive habits, brought on by Winter, Human and I have enjoyed a great number of outdoor strolls since our return. I could not be happier.

The sun shining, the glorious warmth that comes with it, I’ll amend my previous resolution to “embrace new changes,” to include “frequent strolls.” As it is when I find myself truly happy, in companionship with dear Human, and as content as I could ever be.

Embrace this weather if you are experiencing it as well dear humans!

Yours truly,

Hello? Human? A moment of your time please.I do not suppose you’d humor this Dragon with your company, in a jaunt to the local park on such a sunlit day? I dare say, there’s a reasonable lack of solidified precipitation, and an abundance of sunshine! Did I mention the sunshine? 

Hello? Human? A moment of your time please.
I do not suppose you’d humor this Dragon with your company, in a jaunt to the local park on such a sunlit day? I dare say, there’s a reasonable lack of solidified precipitation, and an abundance of sunshine! Did I mention the sunshine? 

Fear not humans! Cupid may miss, Dragons do Not!

Fear not humans! Cupid may miss, Dragons do Not!

The Adventures of A Bipedal Dragon: CompleteLessons Learned: Humans are silly things

The Adventures of A Bipedal Dragon: Complete
Lessons Learned: Humans are silly things

Goals, plans, & changes

Festive New Year’s greetings human companions!

I trust you all have had great success, thus far, in remaining vigilant in your yearly requirement of self betterment. I can assure you, I too, am participating in this past time. As the recent anniversary of my fifth year of existence had reminded me, I am only fit to rule if I am fit in figure.

As you and I have been in each others companionship for a good number of months now, I see no reason to not share my goals for the sixth year of my reign.

First and foremost: Stay true to the Dragon code. 
While it is tempting to remain idle, and protect one’s lands and treasures, I find it is much more satisfying to obtain more. I have every intention of acquiring more territories and procuring more gold. A Dragon is only as good as his gold.

Second: To better understand the ways of the humans.
There are so many facets of your culture, habits, and food. I wish to explore them all. So far, I’ve discovered marshmallows, pop-tarts, and ham. I approve, even if Human does not. This requires more research on my part.

Lastly, Third: Become welcome to new changes. 
This has been off to a rather productive start, as my scales are in a current state of disarray. There’s no use prolonging the shedding of one’s self for the sake of being prepared for the experiences of the new year. In all honesty, I’m hoping for a change in the weather to come, resulting in an evening stroll at the park. Glorious sun make it so!

Like many goals, set for myself, I can only expect to see them achieved if I am vigilant in my resolve to see them through. I hope, therefore, that you all find yourself with the strength and will power to see yours through. If nothing else, you have this Dragon’s encouragement. (You too glorious sun! No more of this polar vortex rubbish!) Together we will make the best of this year. 

Yours truly,


How can a dragon be expected to rule, if I cannot see myself on this mountain? Human! A little higher please! Ah, yes, this shall do!

How can a dragon be expected to rule, if I cannot see myself on this mountain? Human! A little higher please! Ah, yes, this shall do!

Going places no dragon has gone before

Good day dearest human companions, I trust you are all well so close to this,”holiday” season. 

I find myself more spry today, and ready to embark on another adventure, however, as dearest Human has no intention on planning one, I shall have to make do with running tours of the estate. We are expecting guests soon, and I must be sure it is in presentable condition. While it doesn’t provide the level of scenery my recent excursion had provided, it shall at least give me an opportunity to make sure everything is ship-shape.

It was but a fortnight past, that I found myself being abruptly awoken by my Human, and being all too invested in my slumber, I paid dear human, almost no attention. Short of the fact that I realized I had been transported and placed within a small containment box, I wasn’t quite sure how to react. Really now Human? Now? And in a containment box? My tail was sticking right out! Surely you must think better of me, to place me in a traveling container, which is at least is large enough for ALL of my appendages! I wasn’t too flustered with Human’s lack of forethought, as they had conveniently placed me upon a toasty rock, and was in no time, suited properly for travel. 

I didn’t remember Human mentioning anything about a tour of the outlying kingdoms. As I thought on this subject some more, I began to awaken from my slumber. By this time, human had returned from loading our travel things, and at once supplied my containment box with my travel linens, toasty rock, and a good assortment of canned morsels. It was very evident to me now. Human and I were about to embark upon an adventure.

While the journey was full of sights to be had, it was hardly enjoyable, as little sun was to be found. I did my best to keep up my spirits and entertain myself, the journey was quite lengthy. It didn’t take long for me to find a new topic of interest, as a different human was at the helm of our chariot. This naturally meant I had to get to the bottom of this sort of thing to ensure my Human’s and my own safety. This human seemed to be quite capable, and allowed me to see some many sights from their side of the chariot, as gray the view was to be had. But, never the less, I developed a deep liking for this human, and decided that, it should stay. At least this human wasn’t expecting me to be confined for the entirety of the journey, for that alone surely put this human in my good graces.

Upon arrival, to what I can only assume was our destination Human did their best to tell the inhabitants of the residence that the journey had been quite taxing on my person, and that I would be free to make appearances after a good nights rest. New smells were wafting towards me as I was rushed towards my resting chambers for the evening. I knew there was much exploring to be done and many tasty morsels to be had in this new land.

I can’t complain too much about the days following our arrival as I was allotted a toasty bath each morning, a wholesome breakfast, and a blissful day in pure sunshine. What good a royal visit be without the inspection of the new territories and subjects? Of territory there was much to be explored!

It took no time at all to discover this land, and it’s inhabitants had, never before, seen a dragon. Although I primarily confined myself to the most sun filled room, I was basking in the lap of luxuries. I also discovered there were numerous textures which I could rub my person upon. Oh, It did please me so! A nice fluffy pillow here, a plush carpet there. Truly a dragon’s delight! 

One of my new subjects seemed quite infatuated in no time. I couldn’t begrudge them the opportunity to photograph my stunning visage whilst basking. I did wonder if they knew the best angle to capture my image, but I worried not for too long, as I was assured that no angle of my person was too poor of a sight to capture. 

Of course whilst in these new territories, dear Human had asked me to continue to watch out for undesirables, as to make our visit a safe and peaceful one. “Nope watch 2013” they called it. As there was no telling what sort of fiends I would encounter, I was prepared to take on any who threatened this new land.  And for a while, all was well on that front. With the exception of one particularly large undesirable, so large and frightening, that it only allowed myself a moments notice to hide beneath a table stand for my own protection! If there had been a dragon residing here before, no undesirable from the sky, that large, would have dared to cross the skies of this territory. But as it quickly passed I knew it was regretting it’s recent decision to do so. As my Human appeared soon after, I was greatly relieved that Human and my other companions remained unharmed by the undesirable. I bolstered my courage, and assumed my position to protect what was mine, if this same undesirable, were to make the mistake and appear again, it should be the one hiding beneath a table stand for it’s protection!

I was rewarded by the head human of the territory for my troubles with some ‘jet-puffed’ morsels. I’d never been paid before with such kindness or offered such a magnificent treat! I do highly recommend them! The solid, white, cube that melts in your mouth. I’m sure I could have eaten dozens, but this tour of the territories was no time for me to let my figure go. Sadly, this meant I had to  politely decline any additional cubes, even though my stomach would have loved one more… or perhaps two.

Upon the last evening of our tour, I become quite homesick. Yes, while exploring new territories, guarding the humans and pleasurable belly rubs were quite the thrill throughout the entirety of the trip, I longed for the sight of my own territories and my cozy windowsill. I wasted no time in telling Human, so that preparations for our departure might be made post haste. While I didn’t explore a third of the new territories, I tried, in my final hours there, to get in at least a glimpse of each room, rug, and window. Quite exhausted, I regretfully was found by my Human and returned to my toasty rock. Assured that, when morning had arrived, we should embark on our journey home.

I trust Human made all of the appropriate commands for my new territories upkeep in my absence, as I awoke many hours into our journey home. Human informed me there would be great sights, but I would only be permitted to view them if I continued my undesirables watch. Who could say no to this?

As the landscape was changing before me, I couldn’t contain myself from trying to see every angle of it, from within the motor chariot. Human made a few side comments about be being the lone dragon of the misty mountain. While I enjoyed this good humor, I couldn’t help but feel that I was in fact the lone dragon of the mountains. It lead to many good trains of thought, but unfortunately, there was little time to stop and crown me as thus. Pity that. Another achievement left to memory I suppose. 

However, on a few occasions, we rested and I was allowed the chance to take a break from taking in all the sights and from the ever tiring undesirable watch. Human made as many attempts to smuggle me into unknown borders. Going where no dragon has ever been before, whilst providing adequate heating for this lone dragon in winter conditions as even the sun that day, couldn’t have helped out additionally.

Sadly, the sunlight and the journey came to an abrupt end. Before I knew what to say of the entire journey, the transport human had me back in my bed. Human had returned and unpacked all of our travel supplies, and it was time for a good nights rest for us all. Very much like the one I feel I must  leave you now, to take soon.

I hope you all are taking time to enjoy the scenery and enjoy the finer things in life, amidst the splendor and frivolity of the season.

Wishing you all the best from this Dragon in your days to come,