Fetch My Human!

Life and times of a middle-aged, bachelor, dragon.

Some While

Dearest Humans,
I understand it has been some while since I’ve last checked in, for this you have my most sincere, and heartfelt apologies. It has not been easy to for me to summarize the last few months into a culminate statement or story, other than it has been quite the number of experiences to relay. For the sake of time, I can say I have been displaced, dismayed, desperate, indisposed, and physically drained. 

It all started soon after my late spring holiday, for whatever reason, I had begun to develop some unsightly welts! Good Lord Human was concerned! It brought on the whirlwind experience of visiting a Dragonologist (Herpetologist i’ve been told), finding myself in the possession of torso cream, and to my ultimate delight extended bath time. As it turns out I had managed to re-damage old wounds, badly bruising what I had thought had been long healed. While I’ve about completely healed from the experience, I’ve been forbidden to place my torso on things I once found desirable. It’s the price one must pay for ones health I imagine. Human is pleased in my progress. I didn’t care for the cream. 

Within a month after the onset of the aforementioned ordeal, disaster struck my territories. One so great that it left myself, Human and my morsels homeless. I was in total bewilderment as to how something could happen in such a short amount of time. All of the paths I would stroll, the window ledge I often perched upon, the toasty bed I slept in. Dead to me within the course of an hour. 

This left Human and I in a most peculiar situation, at the mercy and territory of another human (thankfully not another dragon). Despite our short term in said predicament, I found it most disagreeable to be in such a territory, especially one I could not claim. Many attempts soon after were spent trying to retrieve salvageable pieces of our former lives in my territories. Thankfully, Human was well acquainted with another human, who ended up restoring the territories to pristine condition within a few weeks time.

The return trips to the territories, for my inspection on the progress were not as exciting as I had expected them to be. The territories had an unfortunate odor, one so terrible it knocked me out of my senses at first whiff. Human assured me all would be well, and to just be patient. It was so unlike Human to be the stronger one in this situation. I suppose when one has lost just about everything, it’s all to easy to be disconsolate. I need to pull myself up and be prepared for future changes, as the ones I’d been handed were not favorable.

In no time Human and I were back to normal, if normal can even be expected. There was much work to do. Much territorial space to inspect, reclaim, and prepare. While it did take some time for me to become accustomed to the changes, I find that my window ledge still holds my greatest place of preference, solitude, and joy.

Despite things returning to normal, there were many occasions Human had to depart from the territories on errands of business and great travel. This brought on a great deal of inner struggle for my person. 
Perceiving my discontentment and loneliness, Human arranged that I stay with some kind humans at their humble abode, in hopes that I should be delighted by new scenery and human kindness.

While I was not allowed the freedoms I enjoy within my own territories, I was treated like a king! I was given the most luxurious baths, ate the finest of morsels, and was granted prime real estate in the best basking space in the territory. All was grand for the many days I spent there, with the exception of the fact I missed my Human dearly. Bless the caring humans that tried tirelessly to cheer me up, their efforts, antics and exotic morsels were greatly appreciated, but they held little appeal to my gloomy disposition.


Days passed, it was becoming unbearable being apart from Human. I began to fear the worst. What if Human never returned? What if I were never to reclaim my territories? What if… what if… What if…?! Rarely can I dissuade a melancholy disposition without mentioning the prospect of basking in the sun, the warmth it holds, the joy it brings. But the sun was not on my side this time, not for I, a lowly dragon. Fall had vastly set in, the days were getting shorter, the unwelcoming rainy days in abundance.

If the previous encounters with fate had taught me anything, the sight of my Human walking down a driveway to rescue me from my situation, had brought me more joy than any single event, bite of food, or moment in the sunlight. I was thrilled to be once more with my Human. Much to unfortunate embarrassment of my human keepers, I don’t believed my coloration had changed so rapidly in my existence. I had every mind to give Human what-for leaving me behind. I could tell within a second of my retaliation, Human felt the same way as I did.

In retrospect of this misadventurous summer, I can confidently state that a Dragon is often lost and far worse without a Human, and for that matter, a Human without a dragon can be as well. For those of you who have and have not, embrace the situation for what it is. It is all too easy to see the misfortune, all to difficult and important to overcome the situation stronger than ever. 

I tell you this with the most peaceful and rested mind, that it is all too true, that you don’t realize just how grand a thing is until it is gone. Whether it be your health, your relationships, your homes, your treasures. There is always the ability to make it stronger, and for that matter slightly more disaster proof. If there are humans who assist you, thank them, as thanks is often greatly appreciated! (Except for Dragonologist’s who prescribe vials of torso cream! I’m sure they mean well, but I’d prefer the bruised appearance to a gooey torso!)

I wish you all well, and hope I find you in comfortable standing.

Yours truly,


P.S.To the humans that came to my aid, you have my undying thanks.

No need to worry about me being outdoors Human, I’m quite capable of taking care of myself. Oh, and Human, this won’t leave any ridiculous tan lines will it?

No need to worry about me being outdoors Human, I’m quite capable of taking care of myself. Oh, and Human, this won’t leave any ridiculous tan lines will it?

supergalacticgay asked: Where did you get Toothless from the Toothless and Lizard (always forget his name sorry sweets) post?

Dearest Chap-et!

Our fledgling dragon was acquired in the juvenile trinket section at the local Target boutique. I hope this aids you in the acquisition of your own.

Yours truly,

You planned a surprise vacation for me? Oh Human… You shouldn’t have!

You planned a surprise vacation for me? Oh Human… You shouldn’t have!

Some Assistance required

Dearest Humans, I find myself in precarious circumstances as of late.
To my utter astonishment, I’ve been confined under house arrest and unwittingly quarantined!

It started a few days ago, on a rather uneventful, uncharacteristically special Wednesday. I was allowed by my dear Human, to bask on my windowsill, in the ever present sunshine. Being about midday at the time, and the sun bearing down in all its glory, I couldn’t help but think of the meals to come for the day. Human, in all their excitement had plucked the seasons first green bean. How I dared to have a taste. How I salivated at its potential crunchiness. Being the first to eat the fruits of the season, was all I could hope for, and was certainly due! Human, suspecting my desires, had allowed me to partake in such a feast. 

It wasn’t too terribly long after, I began to yearn for additional beans. Being quite lost in thought, over the perspective abundance of jade produce provided for an unsightly amount of slaver. It was to my inauspicious luck, that Human caught me in such a state of disarray. How deeply I had shamed myself. In a panic, I quickly attempted to clear the mess, which resulted in a horribly strained intake of breath, followed by a short wheeze. 

Human, with a rather “quick to worry” nature, had it in their head, that I was clearly suffering from a respiratory ailment. What with the bearing down of the hot sun, the gaping from the heat, the ever present slaver. There was no way for me to explain the situation, with my recent slip-up of inhalation, I had damned myself beyond salvation.

Which leaves me in the current predicament. Placed in a glass box of confinement. Previously used in my containment as a young dragon, I had not seen the likes of its walls for some three summers now. How I regretted my decision to appear sickly, how earnestly I pleaded with Human for my release. How often I contemplated and yearned for the time and space outside of my confinement. I conclude my dragonly charm must be waning, as Human appeared to be in an internal struggle, but yet not too terribly moved about my current plight enough to release me.

Despite my perceived malady, Human felt the need to be ever vigilant in attending my needs. Still awarded a toasty bath each morning, a great feast of morsels, and an ever toasty, personalized, hot-rock and sun, indisposition seemed to be almost better than fitting health.

In light of recent events, I’ve learned to control my undragonly, slavering, habits, for the sake of Human’s nerves, and a reduction of my time in confinement through the improvement of my charm. As the days go by, Human is more and more convinced of my being “on the mend,” and more importantly, allowing me considerably more free-roaming, freedom.

Recent events have made, ever present, the need to improve my improvement as a dragon. Reversion to basic natures have resulted in my containment, and have reduced me to frustrated beast without sway and charm. I promise you I shall improve, in feigned health, and in gentleman nature. For so long as I have a human, I cannot fool anyone in my laziness.

Until I can convince Human otherwise, some assistance may be required. I do have territory inspections after all! Chop-chop Humans! There’s improvements to be made!

Yours truly, 

So Human approves of you. We shall call this beginners luck. Neophyte as you may be, you’ve much to learn in the art of becoming a dragon. I’ll show you how!

So Human approves of you. We shall call this beginners luck. Neophyte as you may be, you’ve much to learn in the art of becoming a dragon. I’ll show you how!

The Fog has been lifted

Dearest Human companions,
If I have never expressed my fondnessfor my human and the sun before, I must surely take the opportunity to remedy it post haste!

In the passing weeks since my last emergence, I have been plagued with a rather sombre mood (no doubt brought on by the perpetual dreariness which kept me from the outdoors). With no end in sight of the falling snow, I was beginning to lose hope that any other season would present itself. Thus, I began to prepare for another round of hibernation. As I desperately jumped at any occasion to entertain myself, and prolong the lethargic hibernation preparations, I knew I was running out of options. My slow gait, and downcast appearance were not well hidden from Human. Despite our attempts to entertain each other, we both knew there was little to be done at that point but retire to sleep.

Upon waking the next morning, I found myself in a box, of some sorts. I can only assume it was a box as it had five sides, and contained objects, myself not included. This box was, well…It barely contained my person! Without a good half of myself overhanging one edge or the other,”surely,” I thought, “this must be a dream! Albeit a strange one.” 
As I soon came to realize this must be some mistake, Human had picked up the box, myself included, and whisked me off to the motor chariot. Wherein, I was harnessed and left dumbfounded as to what should occur next. Confounded Human!!!!!

It was well into an hour that Human divulged with me, that we were to be visiting the territories for the next few days. In a manner that which would entertain us both, and hopefully, give us both a manner of positivity concerning the weather. While I must admit Human had swept me off my feet in quite the whirlwind of a surprise, the least they could have done was apply a little foresight into acquiring seating arrangements in which I was seated entirely!

I much as I protested, I was eventually allowed the ability walk freely about the cabin. Upon deciding that the best view to be had was back within the box, I realized the proceeding search was the most purpose I’d had in weeks. Human was surely on to something!

Before long, the southernly route in which we traveled had reminded me of our destination. I remembered that place. I remembered the unbridled freedom, warmth and sunshine it entailed. “Oh Human,” I thought, “you shouldn’t have!” I could hardly conceal my excitement. I was constantly rushing from side to side of the chariot in hopes for the better view. The view which rapidly told me, that yes, we hastily approached our destination!

How I ran through the territories. How I basked in the sunlight. 
How I well I supped on the lushest fruits of the earth. The morsels I had eaten somehow, held more flavor than they did before. 

Daily I embarked on a stroll with my Human and companions around the territories. Humans I had never had the pleasure of meeting before, gaped before my paraded presence. Human beckoned them as they wished to behold my stunning visage. I could not have felt more proud. More alive!

Within the course of a rapidly fleeting weekend, without any reappearance of the dreaded, dreary, white precipitation, I could confidently say, “Yes, Spring is finally here!”

Relaxed, rejuvenated, well basked, well fed, and with the most positive of outlooks, I felt so revived! This doubly accepted vacation, and good weather gave me a revived sense of vigor. Ready to take on the winter, if it chose to stay all year! I, however, made no attempts to mention this to human, should it result in a hasty return trip. Eventually Human and I just knew, it was time to return.

While the trip home had not been as welcomed as the trip to the territories, due to the general motion of the chariot being very disagreeable with my digestion, Human and I had returned safely. And with to our good fortune, the splendid, sunlit, weather with us!

While the dreaded white precipitation made it’s attempt to reclaim it’s season, it’s attempts were in held in vain within a couple hours. The depressing fog of Winter had finally been lifted! 

As a result of our trip, Human and I have vowed to embrace the glorious weather as much as we both are able. Not eager to embrace the reclusive habits, brought on by Winter, Human and I have enjoyed a great number of outdoor strolls since our return. I could not be happier.

The sun shining, the glorious warmth that comes with it, I’ll amend my previous resolution to “embrace new changes,” to include “frequent strolls.” As it is when I find myself truly happy, in companionship with dear Human, and as content as I could ever be.

Embrace this weather if you are experiencing it as well dear humans!

Yours truly,

Hello? Human? A moment of your time please.I do not suppose you’d humor this Dragon with your company, in a jaunt to the local park on such a sunlit day? I dare say, there’s a reasonable lack of solidified precipitation, and an abundance of sunshine! Did I mention the sunshine? 

Hello? Human? A moment of your time please.
I do not suppose you’d humor this Dragon with your company, in a jaunt to the local park on such a sunlit day? I dare say, there’s a reasonable lack of solidified precipitation, and an abundance of sunshine! Did I mention the sunshine? 

Fear not humans! Cupid may miss, Dragons do Not!

Fear not humans! Cupid may miss, Dragons do Not!

The Adventures of A Bipedal Dragon: CompleteLessons Learned: Humans are silly things

The Adventures of A Bipedal Dragon: Complete
Lessons Learned: Humans are silly things

Goals, plans, & changes

Festive New Year’s greetings human companions!

I trust you all have had great success, thus far, in remaining vigilant in your yearly requirement of self betterment. I can assure you, I too, am participating in this past time. As the recent anniversary of my fifth year of existence had reminded me, I am only fit to rule if I am fit in figure.

As you and I have been in each others companionship for a good number of months now, I see no reason to not share my goals for the sixth year of my reign.

First and foremost: Stay true to the Dragon code. 
While it is tempting to remain idle, and protect one’s lands and treasures, I find it is much more satisfying to obtain more. I have every intention of acquiring more territories and procuring more gold. A Dragon is only as good as his gold.

Second: To better understand the ways of the humans.
There are so many facets of your culture, habits, and food. I wish to explore them all. So far, I’ve discovered marshmallows, pop-tarts, and ham. I approve, even if Human does not. This requires more research on my part.

Lastly, Third: Become welcome to new changes. 
This has been off to a rather productive start, as my scales are in a current state of disarray. There’s no use prolonging the shedding of one’s self for the sake of being prepared for the experiences of the new year. In all honesty, I’m hoping for a change in the weather to come, resulting in an evening stroll at the park. Glorious sun make it so!

Like many goals, set for myself, I can only expect to see them achieved if I am vigilant in my resolve to see them through. I hope, therefore, that you all find yourself with the strength and will power to see yours through. If nothing else, you have this Dragon’s encouragement. (You too glorious sun! No more of this polar vortex rubbish!) Together we will make the best of this year. 

Yours truly,


How can a dragon be expected to rule, if I cannot see myself on this mountain? Human! A little higher please! Ah, yes, this shall do!

How can a dragon be expected to rule, if I cannot see myself on this mountain? Human! A little higher please! Ah, yes, this shall do!